Friday, September 30, 2005




I don't know who decided to bring the 80's back to the fashion scene; but looking at Sausan above I am sure that he must be crying out loud in regret somewhere. Putting together an ensemble of all things bad from the 80s, Sausan has wildly succeeded in demonstrating just how disastreous the 80's was in fashion sense and that there was a good reason underlying its ceasement.

Mpok Jane.


Posted by mpok jane










Look...i know that Yoan Tanamal (the child singer turned drugist; in case you forgot who she is, which I assume to likely be the case) has just got out of jail for drug charges but that simply does not justify her looking like the picture. She is just so ugly, I think I'll use the picture to scare kids away.

Mpok Jane.



Yes Yoan, I know you're a lesbian. But that doesn't mean that you should have a horrific sense of style. In my opinion, When it comes to Lesbian-Fashion...Ellen DeGeneres: good, Rosie O'Donnell: bad. But when you look more like Robert Smith from The Cure, something is definitely wrong.

Neng Sarah.


Posted by mpok jane






Thursday, September 29, 2005




Dear Senorita Guritno,

I hate seeing you here because I think you're a very beautiful girl. But as a concerned citizen I feel obligated to give some comments on your somewhat "exotic" presentation. So here goes. What the hell were you thinking? Did you have a bad hair day and thought that it was a brilliant idea to adorn your hair with not one but TWO enormous fake flower as a distraction? Well, in that case, congratulations, you've succeed. It really is distracting in a help-i-have-tumor-growing-out-of-my-ears way.

And furthermore, I don't like the dress. I could've liked it, if it's not gathered at your belly button as if it were the eye of Hurricane Katrina. It makes you look fat.

Overall, you look like a Salma Hayek wannabe. A retarded one.

Deepest condolences,
Neng Sarah.


Posted by Neng Sarah








Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Moulin Rouge...



Oh Sania, do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? Please have some mercy for me. Don't make my job any harder than it already is. Mpok Jane, please take over. I need to lie down.

Neng Sarah.



Something is telling me that there is something dodgy with the picture, as if she was doing it just to test us. You know...like one of those pranks that you pull together but you don't really mean it and you are doing it just for the sake of it, i.e. just because you can? I have a definite feeling this is just one of those because let's face it, noone in her right mind would ever indulge in what the picture portrays. I mean, come fucking on people...gold top with an exhaustive cleavage that would have even detered Pam Anderson from wearing, gold chain that I think she has hoped to pass as an accessory (talkin' 'bout trying to look street here people), braids that just make the overall look even stupider (yo sista!! alicia keys you ain't!!), and ohhh....the make up....this just confirms my suspicion more. Like no sensible people would ever do make up that brings out the worst in her, i.e uneven skin tone, flaming red joker lips, aarrrggghhhh...I can't take this. If this is meant as a joke then you fucking succeed Sania. You got me, you really do. But if this is not...oooohhhh the possibility is just too fucking scary...

Mpok Jane.


Posted by Neng Sarah






Tuesday, September 27, 2005


Look everyone...it's Maudy "Zaenab" Kusnaedi!



You know what? I perfectly understand the pressure of living up to a certain image, i.e. a goody two shoes mediocre girl whose name leaves everyone's memory as soon as the series end. Ring a bell anyone? However, I can not tolerate an extreme endeavor of shuttering the image to pieces. What are you trying to fucking prove Maudy? A hair that would have put Mien Sugandhi to shame, a dress that looks like you have put together fabrics of your sofa and tried to get it to pass as a dress, earrings that are just so plain stupid that even Thalia would look stupid wearing them, and make-up that is simply overdone. At your best you look like a Joan Collins clone and at your worst you look like a desperate spinster.

Mpok Jane.



Mpok Jane, what are you talking about? That's not Maudy Kusnaedi. Big hair, heavy makeup, loud colors... that could only mean one thing: it's Fran Drescher!

Neng Sarah.


Posted by mpok jane






Monday, September 26, 2005




Dear Venna,

I hate you, I fucking hate you. I need to put that upfront so you can rest assured that this is not a random act of hatred, this is a well-aimed act of hatred. I have always thought of you as tasteless and clueless, i.e. babydoll, sneakers, and ankle socks? come fucking on venna...but looking at the above picture I can confidently say that I have been wrong. You are not tasteless and clueless, you are simply insane because I don't think tastelessness and cluelessness can ever venture as far as what you have ventured. I rest my case...Get help venna baby, I mean it...

(Not)Yours,
Mpok Jane.



Actually, compared to everything else Vella Melinda's worn over the past years, this one looks pretty tame (FYI: She was honored earlier this year with "Worst Dressed Lifetime Achievement Award" by yours truly. Hello? Did anyone see what she wore on "Ceriwis"?). Anyway, I just wanna point out how anorexic she appears on this picture. No, I'm not even gonna comment on the gaudy gold cut-out top, or even the shawl. But please ladies and gentlemen, take a look at her arms and her facial expression. It seems like she hasn't eaten anything in days. Okay Venna...lighten up on the Salsa-robics, step away from the stairmaster, and get a decent meal. NOW!

Neng Sarah.


Posted by mpok jane










Venna, let me lay it down for you: tube top is not a workout wear!! Sure, you can wear a tube top for exercising at The Playboy Mansion, but not at your local gym. Especially when there's a photographer around. I'm sure you have a lovely set of breasts, but do you really want the world to see them? Unless...you are planning to do a Janet Jackson stunt, which -- trust me -- is not something a former Putri Indonesia should do.

Neng Sarah.


Posted by Neng Sarah








Ladies and gentlemen, the ever subtle Miss Peggy Melati Sukma in person...



"Hey everyone, how's it goin?

pusyiiiiiiiiiiiinggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!

Oopss sowie, you know I just have to do it every now and then. Quite therapeutic y'know? Don't think just...

pusyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinggggggggggggggggg!!!

Ooops...there I go again. Owww well anyway...whaddaya think of my top? I am loving it!! You know how the trend is these days? Lines, shapes, curves, and stuffs...and being well...me...I decided to put everything together. And whoallaaa...fab isn't it? I am like soooo proud of my taste in fashion, you know how boring it is just wearing something that actually match and not stand out? Oooooo...and you know what? I just have to tell you this. Oooo...I am soooo excited, do you know how this top is just not a top? Nooooo it is not...it also serves as like you know one of those abstracts drawings that you just have to focus on? You know...the ones that if you just focus on one point then you can see an image or whatever? Well this top is one of those, smart isn't it? I am like sooo proud of me. So c'mon everyone...focus...just start focusing on me...who knows you might see a dinosaur or something on top of my boobs."

Ohhh praise god!!
Mpok Jane.



Peggy dear, you're a wonderful, intelligent, and nice woman. But you're also really lousy when it comes to dressing. And you wearing that nausea-inducing blouse is such cry for help. Please Peggy, I can help you if only you would just talk to me. Why, Peggy? Why the perpetual fashion suicide? Is it because no matter what you do, you will eternally be known as a second-rate actress? Or is it a desperate attempt to escape the fact that your boyfriend is gay? Don't just stand there. Talk to me, dammit!!

Neng Sarah.


Posted by mpok jane










You know what Della dear, I can still tolerate animal print when worn appropriately but what you are wearing there is just down-right hideous!! That plus the make-up and the hair are making you look like some cheap dangdut singer from Indramayu. Shame on you girlfriend...

Mpok Jane.



Oh well, what do you expect a two-bit actress/singer notoriously known as "Ratu Bohong" would wear? Something from ITC Mangga Dua that screams hooker, of course.

Neng Sarah.


Posted by mpok jane








I caught up with Dhea Ananda on PMI 2005 red carpet. And this is what she has to say...




"Hi y'all!

Whoa, I'm so relieved they invited me to Penghargaan MTV Indonesia 2005. Because my latest album, well...basically sucked, and no one barely remembers my sinetrons. That's why I have to make my appearance extra special tonight.

Don't you just love my get-up? It's sooo fetch, innit? Hellooo? "Mean Girls"! Anyways, check out my jacket and mini skirt combo. Aren't they cute? I cut the skirt a bit higher, but not too much though, cause I definitely don't wanna look like a street prostitute. It goes perfectly with the Austin-Powers-insipred brocade blouse that used to be my grandmother's, right? And don't you just looove the color? Oh, how about my hair and makeup? I know I'm only 18...22...oh who cares anyway, but I don't want anybody to think I'm still the little girl from Trio Kwek-Kwek anymore. So my makeup artist created this look which he calls "Funky Tante Girang" for me. Cause I really am I funky girl! I mean woman. Oh, whatever.

Now check out the accesories. My friends say my earrings look hideous. But I know they're just jealous. Helllooo? Don't they ever read CosmoGirl? Vintage is HOTT! And last but not least...my handbag. I made it myself, you know. It's sooo Louis Vuitton, right? It's amazing what you can do with a 1970 Corolla upholstery and a Kaleng Marie Regal chain.

Anyways, enough chitchat. I gotta go inside. I heard Miss Agnes "Better Than Thou" Monica is here. I'll show that tacky biatch that I can do better than her. Cheerio..."

Neng Sarah.


Posted by Neng Sarah










Something tells me that Memes' fashion role model is Shanty. Say it ain't so, Memes! She's bad enough to begin with!

PS. Kevin, would you please tell your mother to start dressing her age? Thanks.

Neng Sarah.



My...my...my...as if one Shanty is not enough, here comes memes looking startlingly like her. Which is totally okay if you're...15!! But not when you have a son that is 15. Please don't confuse the two memes honey, those are two different things. And no, you don't hit it off! The please-mom-you-are-embarrasing-me look on your son's face is proof enough. Spare him dear, being 15 is hard enough without having to have your mom dressing like a 15 yo girl.

Mpok Jane.


Posted by Neng Sarah








Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Farhat Abbas aka Mr. Nia Daniati.





Let's see, where do I begin? Oh well, let's just go straight to piece de resistance...the shirt! My god, that is one ugly piece of shirt. It's got a weird twirly thing and some random words silk-screened on it. And it's 2 size too small! Look how tight is is around the abdomenal area. And please also examine the cuff. What appears to be a Fendi logo, turns out to be a fake Fendi. Well it better be fake, otherwise I will demand an explanation from Karl Lagerfeld for making such a heinous shirt. And the jeans? It's simply unflattering. It only accentuates his rather large bottom.



Oh, poor Nia. As if being cheated on wasn't bad enough, she also has to suffer from her husband's chronic fashion sense.

Hey look everybody! It's Santa!!



Merry Christmas, kids...ho ho ho!!!

Neng Sarah.


Posted by Neng Sarah










Luna, the only occasion where you can wear a wedding dress is to...your own wedding!! (Or a Helloween party) But not to some MTV Award show. And if you think that pairing it with jeans is going to make it look more casual, it's not. It only ruins it. So please, save that kebaya for your wedding day, okay?

Yours truly,
Neng Sarah.




Luna...what are you getting at? Even the frankenstein's bride would cover her face in shame looking at you.

Mpok Jane.


Posted by Neng Sarah






Sunday, September 25, 2005




Dear Miss Agnes "English is My Second Language" Monica

Having heard your statement, we are happy to say that we get it, we fucking get it bitch! And guess what? it is ours too and thousands of other people's worldwide. Yet, we are all content to not make a big fuss out of it, i.e. making statements in a national TV. Do you seriously think we care? If i had not known that you have been so since...um...well...your first public appearance, I would have thought you are one delluded chick. So seriously, we don't care!

NB: No, flatteries from a guy who does Taiwanese TV series do not count as achievements, never do never will.

(Not-so)Best Regards,
Mpok Jane.


Posted by mpok jane






Saturday, September 24, 2005


Cornelia Agatha is officially loosing it...



Cornelia baby girl, we have some serious discussions to do. I am going to be brutally honest here, because well...you have officially crossed the line girl. To begin upfront, that is one hideous shirt and leaving it unbuttoned does not make it better in any way. And the fucking bra!!! For the fucking love of god, did you pick that out of your grandmother's wardrobe? Not to say that wearing one superb-looking bra will justify leaving your shirt unbuttoned though. You are exposing part of your body that most women in the world are trying desperately to conceal, well...unless you're a whore but that's a different story.

One more thing dearie Cornelia, have you done something nasty to the guy who did your make-up? Because I have a gut feeling that he (or she) must fucking hate you, thus making you look like a trans-sexual. Seriously honey, I think you have a strong ground for suing him over negligence act, unless well...ohhh i shrudder thinking of the possibility, you did insist on having it that way.

Mpok Jane.



Dear Cornelia Agatha,

First of all let me just remind you that... you're not Jennifer Lopez! I know you have a great body and yes, it's an MTV Award event, but please honey...you're not Jennifer Lopez! Heck, even Lady Jenny herself wouldn't wear a bra like that to an award show. It looks like it's from Steffi Graf's Grand Slam Sports Bra Collection by Wacoal. And what the hell is that thing on your belly? Is that supposed to be a decoration? Cause it just looks nasty to me. And what's with the hair and make-up? It's waaay too menor for your "Lia From The Block" ensemble. But on the other hand, love the bling, girlfriend! It really shows that underneath it all you're just a good old-fashioned religious girl. Yeah, totally!

Best Regards,
Neng Sarah.


Posted by mpok jane