Tammy, how many times do I have to tell you to get a new fashion stylist? No seriously Tammy, this is a matter of life and death. I firmly believe your current stylist is a hack. Here's my theory: I think he/she is a professional hitman who poses as a stylist, hired by your sister Theresia Blezynski to kill you!! You know, because she's jealous of your career and all. Hello...? The Bodyguard, remember?

I mean, come on...how else are you going to explain that dress which actually looks okay but completely ruined by 3 sheets of nude-colored toilet paper dangling from your waist and a piece of old pantyhose criss-crossing on your torso? It's actually an X mark to assist the hitman on where to aim his gun, for a quick but deadly shot right on your heart.

Believe me Tammy, I know what I'm talking about. You'd better fire that stylist of yours ASAP and get a now one. Someone who is not going to kill you, literally and figuratively. You know, someone like...me, for instance. Well, you're interested, you know where to reach me, kay?

Neng Sarah.