"Hi people. It's me! What..? You don't know me? How dare you! It is I, Mulan Ratu. Well, actually it's Mulan Kwok. But who cares about my old last name? It's fake anyway. The important thing is, I'm a Ratu now! Hahaha...eat your heart out Pinkan Mambo! You sure aren't Baik-Baik Saja now huh, bitch? Hahaha...

Take a good look at me, friends...(I'm calling you friends because my latest album is titled "Ratu & Friends"; available on CD and Cassetes at record stores near you) aren't I better than Pinkan? Of course I am! I'm everything more than she will ever be. Look at my yellow top! I got more fabric than Princess Diana's wedding dress. Look at my jewelry! I got more metal than PT Krakatau Steel. Hahaha...everything about me is more...more...more!!! No wonder Maia dumped that Miss I-got-pregnant-and-I-don't-know-who-the-father-is. At least if I got pregnant, I know who the father is...it's Dhani Ahmad! Hahaha...whoops! Please Jangan Bilang Siapa-Siapa, especially Maia. Dhani & I are just Teman Tapi Mesra (which is also the title of my new single, people).

Oh, look everybody, it's my boss! Hey, Maia...let's strike a pose!



Okay, people. I have to go now. I have to be on stage in 10 minutes and I have to warm up my vocal first. See you later, friends! And oh, don't you ever forget me again!

Sincerely yours,
Mulan "Ratu" Kwok."

Neng Sarah.